More Sightings On Churches And Tshirts

I've written before about odd or amusing lines that I've seen on notice boards outside churches and on tshirts (though when I went through my old blog posts to find the links, I was mildly taken aback to discover just how long ago I wrote them!). 

I've had a few new sightings of note in the recent past, along similar lines. 

I was driving past the church at Mahim a few months ago, and I looked at the notice board to see what pearl of wisdom they'd put up that day. It turned out that they'd put up three bullet points; exhortations of various kinds to the devout Christian soul. I forget the first and third, but it was the second that really caught my eye. It said, I kid you not, "Be surprised by God". 

Well, I just imagine how that plays out. A husband, wife and young daughter live in a cosy little house. Being staunch Christians, they have a picture of Jesus (the white, caucasian representation, of course, despite the fact that the historical Jesus was a brown-skinned, Middle Eastern male) occupying pride of place in the hall. 

Scene 1: The husband walks into the hall, on his way out to work. He looks at the picture, and starts violently, almost dropping his briefcase. He then takes his handkerchief out of his pocket, with shaking hands, and dabs beads of sweat from his brow. "Good gosh, Jesus," he says, "you really startled me there!"

Scene 2: The wife enters the hall with a duster, going about her daily chores. She looks at the picture, gives a little shriek, and goes weak at the knees. She then leans against the mantelpiece and waits for her heart to stop racing. "Oh my, I really didn't expect to see a picture of Jesus hanging there!," she says, to no one in particular. 

Scene 3: The daughter skips into the hall, carrying her favourite doll with her. She looks at the picture, screams, drops the doll, and goes running back. She goes to her mother, pulls at her skirt, and then looks up at her with wide eyes as she describes how surprised she was to see the picture of Jesus in the hall. 

Scenes 1, 2 and 3 play out every day, multiple times a day. After all, every good Christian must always Be Surprised By God! 

I mean, good grief. 

And a month ago, when I was driving past the church near my house on the way back from work, I spotted this gem: "A bribe in the hand is a sign of mischief in the heart". To which my immediate mental response was, "Well, no shit, Sherlock."

While driving to work last week, I passed one young chappie in a purple tshirt that said, "I'm Weird" on it, in big bold letters. And under that, in smaller font, "Weird's all I've got. That and my style". 

I drove past him and thought to myself, "Ah. I agree."

And then, there was this guy I passed at my local market some time ago, who was wearing a tshirt that said, "You are ridiculously good-looking". 

Inside my head, I tipped my hat to him and said, "Why, thank you!"