Another Rescue

Regular readers of this blog will recall that there are have one or two times when I've rescued people or animals from slightly sticky situations. A few weeks ago, I found myself in a situation where I had to do something similar. 

For the past few months, I've been giving my neighbour's daughter a ride to her office in the morning, which is on the way to mine. The lady next door is terribly sweet, she opens the door of my flat every morning for the maid and every evening for the cook. Oh, and my physical mail (whatever little of it there is) and gas cylinders also get delivered to her, since I'm not at home for most of the day. 

On one morning, the aforesaid few weeks ago, the neighbour's daughter handed me an envelope bearing my MTNL bill for the month, on our way to our respective workplaces. I tossed it onto my car's dashboard, and then put it in my shirt pocket when I parked at my office. 

I make use of every opportunity I get at work to take the stairs, but since the car parking is in a basement with no connecting stairway to the rest of the building, I then got into the lift to go up to my floor, along with a few other people. 

On the way up, I noticed something moving on the shoulder of the person standing next to me, which on closer inspection revealed itself to be a small green caterpillar. I said to him, "Er, excuse me... There's something on your shoulder!"

In the time that it took him to squint at his shoulder and figure out what I was talking about, I took the envelope out of my pocket and brushed the caterpillar off his shoulder. The lift then stopped at the second floor, and he walked out. 

As the doors of the lift closed, I looked down at the floor, and saw the caterpillar there. It was still moving about, clearly unharmed from the fall. 

The lift then stopped at the third floor, which is where I work. I was about to walk out, but then I looked down at the caterpillar, and wondered about what would happen to it after I left. I realised that since it was wrigggling about in a lift, it would probably soon get stepped on, which would be the end of it. 

Conflicting thoughts jostled for supremacy in my head - one part of me said forget it and walk on, while another part of me was feeling mildly bad for the caterpillar. Then after a second, I made up my mind. 

I thought to myself, 'Bugger it all!', and then bent down towards the caterpillar. I scooped it up onto the envelope that I was still holding, and then strode out of the lift, holding the envelope ahead of me with the caterpillar perched on it. 

I walked straight to the stairwell and went down the stairs. I walked out of the doorway at the ground floor and went to the patch of earth opposite the building, in front of which there was a drain with flowerpots on the metal grill covering it. 

I held the envelope next to a leaf so that the caterpillar could climb onto it, which it promptly did. I then took a few steps back, and watched its progress. 

'Well, that's that,' I thought to myself. But just as I was about to turn and head back up, I suddenly noticed that the plant I'd transferred the caterpillar to was housed in one of the aforementioned flowerpots which were perched on the grill covering the drain, and that the caterpillar was on a leaf which was suspended directly above the grill. 

A gust of wind then blew, and the caterpillar was blown half-off the leaf. Directly beneath the leaf was the grill, which was made of slats of metal with large gaps between them. 

I realised that if the caterpillar fell, it might quite possibly fall into the drain though the spaces in the grill, and that even if it maintained its tenuous hold on the leaf, it would be rather hard for it to make its way to the patch of earth. 

Again, I was about to turn and walk away, but the same impulse which had led me to scoop the caterpillar off the floor of the lift powered me forward again. I walked back to the plant, and held the envelope out towards the caterpillar again, trying to get it back onto the envolope. Only this time, since it was suspended from the leaf, desperately trying to hold on, it wasn't quite as easy to coax it onto the envelope. 

Trying my best to ignore the bemused looks from the guards stationed behind me at the entrance to the building, I kept at it for a few moments more, and was finally able to get the caterpillar back onto the envelope. 

I then held the envelope against a tree growing in the patch of earth, safely away from the drain, and transferred the caterpillar onto the tree. 

Having left it in what seemed like a reasonably safe place, I was then finally able to turn my back on it and make my way to my desk.

Bit of an unusual way to start off a day at work, don't you think? But all said and done, you should probably give me points for being an equal-opportunity rescuer. Be it people, animals or smaller forms of life, if you're in a spot of trouble and the lastknight can help, he'll certainly do his best!

More Sightings On Churches And Tshirts

I've written before about odd or amusing lines that I've seen on notice boards outside churches and on tshirts (though when I went through my old blog posts to find the links, I was mildly taken aback to discover just how long ago I wrote them!). 

I've had a few new sightings of note in the recent past, along similar lines. 

I was driving past the church at Mahim a few months ago, and I looked at the notice board to see what pearl of wisdom they'd put up that day. It turned out that they'd put up three bullet points; exhortations of various kinds to the devout Christian soul. I forget the first and third, but it was the second that really caught my eye. It said, I kid you not, "Be surprised by God". 

Well, I just imagine how that plays out. A husband, wife and young daughter live in a cosy little house. Being staunch Christians, they have a picture of Jesus (the white, caucasian representation, of course, despite the fact that the historical Jesus was a brown-skinned, Middle Eastern male) occupying pride of place in the hall. 

Scene 1: The husband walks into the hall, on his way out to work. He looks at the picture, and starts violently, almost dropping his briefcase. He then takes his handkerchief out of his pocket, with shaking hands, and dabs beads of sweat from his brow. "Good gosh, Jesus," he says, "you really startled me there!"

Scene 2: The wife enters the hall with a duster, going about her daily chores. She looks at the picture, gives a little shriek, and goes weak at the knees. She then leans against the mantelpiece and waits for her heart to stop racing. "Oh my, I really didn't expect to see a picture of Jesus hanging there!," she says, to no one in particular. 

Scene 3: The daughter skips into the hall, carrying her favourite doll with her. She looks at the picture, screams, drops the doll, and goes running back. She goes to her mother, pulls at her skirt, and then looks up at her with wide eyes as she describes how surprised she was to see the picture of Jesus in the hall. 

Scenes 1, 2 and 3 play out every day, multiple times a day. After all, every good Christian must always Be Surprised By God! 

I mean, good grief. 

And a month ago, when I was driving past the church near my house on the way back from work, I spotted this gem: "A bribe in the hand is a sign of mischief in the heart". To which my immediate mental response was, "Well, no shit, Sherlock."

While driving to work last week, I passed one young chappie in a purple tshirt that said, "I'm Weird" on it, in big bold letters. And under that, in smaller font, "Weird's all I've got. That and my style". 

I drove past him and thought to myself, "Ah. I agree."

And then, there was this guy I passed at my local market some time ago, who was wearing a tshirt that said, "You are ridiculously good-looking". 

Inside my head, I tipped my hat to him and said, "Why, thank you!"